The quiet serenity of becoming a band parent

By BRANDON HURLEY
Managing Editor

b.hurley@beeherald.com

There’s an unexpected beauty in raising a band and musical nut, especially when I’m a sports geek myself.

Those hobbies are drastically different, but relatively similar.

I grew up surrounded by everything athletic. There was always some kind of ball involved, whether my three brothers and I were playing wiffle ball in the backyard, playing a bit of tackle football or soccer and of course my favorite pastime, shooting hoops at the local outdoor court. Many summers were spent on the golf course as well. It’s not too difficult to accurately assume I was a sports junkie. When we weren’t playing sports, I was watching them on TV and discussing them as often as I could.
I’ll be honest, as a dad of a son, having surrounded my entire life around organized sports, I expected to be that father who taught his kid everything sports, the parent who was the number one fan each game, breaking down each and every play. I thought we’d share countless Saturday afternoons watching football and basketball, living and dying with the outcome of our favorite teams.

So, when my son refused to have anything to do with sports, it was a bit of an adjustment. And then when he gravitated toward band last year as he entered middle school and simultaneously dropped any association with sports (if we are being honest, he was done with organized sports well before fifth grade), I was both thrilled and nervous.

I honestly didn’t know what to expect. This was unfamiliar territory for me. I tried the trumpet for a year when I was 11, decided to hang it up and never look back.
Despite those early struggles of mine, my son’s infatuation with band and anything music certainly didn’t catch me by surprise. He’s always had a great ear for music, and usually can be found listening to or fiddling with something music related on his phone. He sought out the trombone last year, and has loved it ever since. He even, after a bit of nudging, joined the choir as well. Both have really been a God-send. He’s finally found his people and feels comfortable with the core group, diving head first into the new activities. He’s constantly at home practicing, studying his music sheets and finding creative ways to stay connected to music.  

I quickly learned, while these two hobbies are similar in some aspects (you push yourself to get better, you practice and then perform in front of a crowd), consuming them is drastically different.

Take attending his concerts for example. While I love music, I wouldn’t say I know the first thing about composition, pace or musical notes.

I don’t know if someone messes up or is offbeat. I enjoy the music for what it is, at face value. I’m not stressed watching from the sidelines, hoping and praying my son’s athletic team comes out on top. There’s no way I can be overly critical thanks to my lack of knowledge of music. And, that’s a great thing. It really is. I won’t unnecessarily put any added pressure on Caiden, I can enjoy each moment as he grows. It all sounds wonderful to me. And I’ll always be a proud dad.

The concerts have been an easier adjustment than I had imagined. Of course, some of that credit has to go to my girlfriend, Sarah, who’s taught me patience and understanding, but I’ve also realized I’d rather Caiden be happy seeking out his own hobbies than if I force fed him mine. The stress has melted away. With that, daily lessons are held during the normal school day, so I don’t have to worry about shipping him to and from practices each night. We aren’t planning vacations around his tournament schedules. We don’t have to worry about his inexperienced team going up against the best. All his band and choirmates work together. Of course, down the line rather quickly there will be choir and band competitions, but to me, those won’t be nearly as stress inducing. I can take it all in and enjoy it.

Caiden loves music, it’s what helps him thrive. So what if I can’t pitch to him in the backyard or throw the pigskin around? I enjoy his happiness, and in turn, that makes me shine more than ever before. Allow my kid to find has place hasn’t always been easy, but knowing he came to with the slightest nudge is rather satisfying. He’s become his own man. That’s fantastic.

 

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