Loneliness

Do you experience loneliness?  If so, please know that recent research, perhaps ironically, shows you are not alone.  In 2021, for example, the Harvard Making Caring Project found that “36% of all Americans – including 61% of young adults – reported feeling serious loneliness.”  Published on February 12, 2023, a Kaiser Family Foundation study found that “young adults, aged 18-24, reported feeling lonely at higher rates than other age groups.”  

 So, what is loneliness? “Loneliness arises,” according to Gemini, an artificially intelligent web source, “when there is a discrepancy between our desired and perceived social connections.” In this understanding, loneliness would be a highly personal matter as each of us desires a unique array of social connections. Some seek and need many connections while others seek and need few. Some receive energy from being around others while some effectively receive strength for living from the quiet energy of solitude, quality time enjoying one’s own company. Yet, in some proportion, each of us likely benefits from a unique blend of time spent with others and in enjoying solitude. 

 This assessment runs counter to the stereotypical perception of the lonely person being someone who has few (if any) friends and is alone frequently. While it is true this person may (or may not) be lonely, it is also true that the person who has many people bouncing around in their lives may (or may not) also be lonely. As the AI Overview site explains, “. . . loneliness is more about the quality of your connections than the quantity of people around you, meaning you can still feel disconnected or misunderstood even if you have a large social circle.” The pain of this type of loneliness is all the more profound if putting on a façade seems necessary in order to feel accepted.  

 So, if humans can experience loneliness with too few or too many people in their lives, then perhaps loneliness if not about other people at all. In the web article, “Are You Secretly Lonely?” spiritual teacher Deepak Chopra suggests that “healing loneliness requires more than simply seeking out company. . . The root of loneliness isn’t the absence of other people but an inner absence.”

 While each of us experience temporary loneliness in our lives for many reasons, say in times of transition in moving from one community to another, from the loss of a job or friendship, and so forth, Chopra is speaking about a loneliness, no matter the source that we can’t effectively heal with our usual personal relationship skills. No matter the cause, Chopra is now speaking of a “loneliness that is a crippling experience, fraught with a toxic dose of shame and self-criticism.” A loneliness that “we’d rather keep hidden than admit we suffer from feelings of isolation, emptiness and anxiety.” A loneliness that “when we try to wall off our painful emotions, they don’t go away.” Instead, this loneliness “brood(s) and become(s) even more painful.”  

 Likely, you won’t be surprised to learn that this severe and on-going type of loneliness can increase the risk of experiencing a wide variety of physical health problems. On a web page called “Health Effects of Social Isolation and Loneliness,” the Center for Disease Control (CDC) reports that “social isolation and loneliness can increase a person’s risk for: heart disease and stroke, Type 2 diabetes, depression and anxiety, suicidality and self-harm, dementia and early death.”

 But there’s good news! Support and help to start the process of healing loneliness is available 24/7 within a few minutes simply by making a phone call to what an Iowa based organization, known simply as CICS, calls a Warm Line.  The phone number is 844-775-9276.  Your call is toll free and will be answered by a caring individual who will listen and support you in experiencing that you are not alone. As loneliness can be difficult during the coming holiday season, this may be a helpful number to write down and keep in a handy place.  

 In addition to the Warm Line, CICS also offers services that can provide help over a longer period.  CICS Planning Officer, Liza Maxwell, explains that “each county has a service coordinator that can help you navigate services, apply for programs and connect with other resources that may be available.” To learn more about these services in Greene County, please call Shannon Sproule on 641-531-9606. “If you or someone you know is in crisis,” Maxwell urges you to “call or text 988 and you will be contacted with a crisis counselor.” 

 Sometimes we need support in creating a life that includes the quality human relationships we desire and in keeping our desired and perceived social connections in healthy balance. If you experience loneliness, please know that you are not alone. The start of hope, help and support are available simply by making a telephone call, to the Warm Line (844-775-9276), to Shannon Sproule, Greene County CICS Service Coordinator (641-531-9606) or by texting or calling 988 (in case of crisis.)     

 Please remember, you are not alone in experiencing loneliness. If you were, CICS would not need to sponsor a Warm Line for people to call 24/7. Support, help and hope are available. 

Having lived in Jefferson since only December 2021, Bryan knows he will always be a newcomer in town. Though this may surprise his readers, he wants everyone to know that he truly delights in this role!